Ever found an old box in the back of your closet? Opening it you discover that funky t-shirt you bought on your first ever road trip, that unbelievably soft warm winter scarf you’ve been looking for every January for the past 2 years, and those rainbow-coloured toe socks you got as a white elephant gift.
Most (if not all) of us have a forgotten box of self care practices that if discovered and dusted off could help us with our daily mental health.
And by self care, I simply mean anything that brings you a moment of joy, wonder or awe (and yes, it could be rainbow coloured toe socks).
What brings you a bit of joy?
You are not alone if you are not quite sure. Especially if you are busy, burnt out, or buried in the daily tasks of life. Connecting with what brings you joy helps you get through hard times, sooths ragged emotions and regulates your nervous system. So it is worth giving it a try, even if it feels out of reach.
It’s hard to feel joy when we are stuck
When we are overwhelmed a part of us gets really, really, really, invested in focusing on our deficits. When we focus on our deficits, our ability to problem-solve gets inhibited. This vicious cycle is one of the reasons we keep doing the same thing over and over even when it is not helping.
We need a brain hack to help us out of this vicious thinking cycle.
A good question can shift the focus
We are going to use a therapy intervention from Solution Focused Therapy called the Miracle Question to shift your perspective from deficits to solutions. This intervention will help you remember what brings you joy.
Here is the question:
“What if a miracle happened last night? You have woken up today to find that all your responsibilities have been taken care of. This miracle has left you with enough time, money and energy to do anything you would like. What would you do today?”
How to find your answer…
It’s OK to fantasize a bit here. Remember, this is based on a miracle, not rational logic. Just run with it. You can even get a bit silly.
Here are some common answers:
Sleep (always the number one answer for parents with young children)
A Vacation… to a beach, on a safari, or to a Start Trek Convention
Going dancing, on a date, or out for dinner
Skateboarding, hiking, playing basketball or lifting weights
Spa day, yoga, massage
Getting lost in a novel, painting a picture, or writing a poem
Feeling Skeptical?
Don’t worry, the next step is not to make your list happen. But if you are free this afternoon to skateboard over to the Star Trek Convention, I say go for it.
Do something doable
The answer to your miracle question is a list of things that bring you joy. In fantasy form they may be out of your reach today, this week, this year, and maybe forever (...do Star Trek Conventions even happen anymore?)
But what if you distilled one of those fantasies into a drop of joy?
If you are sleep deprived…go to bed early tonight with a fluffy blanket.
If your body is hurting…take a bath.
You get the idea.
Add that drop to your day. The worst that can happen is that you find a moment of joy and on some days that is a miracle in and of itself.
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